After 5mL of Prednisone, 8mL of Methotrexate, 15mL of Loratab, I still can't get out of bed. =o( I hate to complain but I'm so tired of being tired, I'm sick of the aches and pain. I want to be able to hug my daughter, hold my husband and live my life. Thanks to Luther Vandross, I haven't shed a tear. I won't. I refuse... to let this get the best of me.
I finally gathered the strength to pull up my scriptures and start reading. After an hour on pondering, I struggled to get on one knee and prayed for a little assistance. I didn't want my pain to get me down today. I got up and turned on the TV and VH1 Soul played a time line of Luther Vandross's music videos. So many memories came rushing back, so many great moments in my life were remembered.
Since Memorial Weekend, I have not allowed my husband to inspire me. One mistake made on his part and I couldn't allow myself to feel a fool for him. I was really hurt. I couldn't display public emotion for him. I was ashamed of what he made me feel like. Since then, he has tried everything in his power to make it up to me. I forgot how much I loved him. As I met with my bishop on Sunday, he said, "Sister Magalei, you need to let the past go. Love your husband. Honor his priesthood. Do not punish him anymore for what he has done in his past. He loves you. He honors you. He believes in you. He knows his life is only great with you".
A song by Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines came on and I just felt like my husband's arms were wrapped around me. As if he were whispering the sweet tunes in my ear. I could see his smile. I could see the sparkle in his eye, when he watch me sleep. I felt his love. It was time for me to let the past go. My husband loves me. He takes care of me. He lets me have my way. What am I doing? Why was I fighting his love? Why was I so prideful? I love him. I always have and alway will.