MY LIFE. MY THOUGHTS. MY WORDS.

Random thoughts of Mom...

A week ago my mother received the results of her biopsy. Sunday evening she received a priesthood blessing, from my step father, Lose and his visiting teacher, Brother Pauga. Monday morning, my mother had surgery at the American Fork, Hospital, at 10:00am. She came out from surgery, almost 7 hours later. She was very pale. There was no color her face. Dr. Shaeffield, had removed her right breast. Reconstruction of the area of her chest also took place, to replace the flesh that was there, before. This was scary news for my family. Many of us had fasted and prayed for a speedy recovery. This is the first time, I had ever experience something like this. I was so scared and I had to step up and assist in her care. I called into work to take the day off, to be at the hospital with her. This would be the first full day of recovery. Although my arthritis pain was severe, I kept myself medicated to help feed, bathe, dress and walk her around the hospital. I realized how much I couldn't live without her. How big her roll was in my life. My mother does so much for me. She does all the running around for me. Taking Lana to her Math Tutor, English Literature Class, dance and Piano lessons. Regardless of my health issues, I'm doing my very best, to be a strong shoulder for my mother to lean on..

A week ago my mother received the results of her biopsy. Sunday evening she received a priesthood blessing, from my step father, Lose and his visiting teacher, Brother Pauga. Monday morning, my mother had surgery at the American Fork, Hospital, at 10:00am. She came out from surgery, almost 7 hours later. She was very pale. There was no color her face. Dr. Shaeffield, had removed her right breast. Reconstruction of the area of her chest also took place, to replace the flesh that was there, before. This was scary news for my family. Many of us had fasted and prayed for a speedy recovery. This is the first time, I had ever experience something like this. I was so scared and I had to step up and assist in her care. I called into work to take the day off, to be at the hospital with her. This would be the first full day of recovery. Although my arthritis pain was severe, I kept myself medicated to help feed, bathe, and dress and walk her around the hospital. I realized how much I couldn't live without her. How big her roll was in my life. My mother does so much for me. She does all the running around for me. Taking Lana to her Math Tutor, English Literature class, dance and Piano lessons. Regardless of my health issues, I'm doing my very best, to be a strong shoulder for my mother to lean on.


As she lies quietly resting in her bed, I can't help but to hate myself, for being such a disappointment to her. My poor mom has been criticized and mocked by me. I know, I'm not a great, not even a good daughter. I always pointed out her weaknesses, constantly reminding her of poor choices she's made in life. Always judged her. I never let her forget the dreadful mistake she made in marrying my step father, and so quickly, after my father had passed. I always told her about people talking about her and the shame she should feel. Oh my, I really was the daughter from hell. I always put my needs before hers. I always acted like she owed me, for all the pain I felt in my life. I was also so quick to blame her for how hard life seemed, after my father's passing. I felt it was her fault, our connection with my father's family was so faint.


Here, I sit in this hospital room, desperately trying to make up for all the pain, I caused her. I almost fainted, at the sight of my daughter, sobbing at her side. I cry just thinking of the love my little Lana has for her. I don't think anyone's love for her, is a pure and innocent as the love my daughter has for her grandmother. My mother, her hero. I continue to get emotional, thinking about last night. I tucked my Lana into bed, and watched her angelic eye lids cover her glassy eyes and how she fell asleep whispering her feelings for my mother. In my little Lana's eyes, my mom can do no wrong. My mother is someone she prays for, someone she adores, someone whose shoes she dreams to fill. My mother is the angel, who saves her from me. My mother understands her. There's a special connection between Alana and my mother. Lana keeps me grounded. She has helped me gain that respect and love, for my mother. I know Heavenly Father hears her prayers and feels her tears, as she cried out to him, last night, on my mother's behalf.


This scare has been changed. I can care less what anyone thinks about my mother. She is my hero. Through her highs and lows, she has helped me understand, that we come from a long line of fighters. I know she will pull through in recovery and I promise to always love my mom, without judgment, without fail. I will be that shoulder she needs. I will be her best friend. I will be the daughter, Heavenly Father, wants me to be for my mother. I will live to help make the rest of her days, here on earth, worth living. I will help, without question, and will lead by example, without lecture. I promise mom, I will love you as you need me to love you. I will be for you. What you need me to be. Regardless, of my condition, I will smile for you. I will laugh with you. Mom, I owe you my life. No matter what our situation was, you have given me life and a wonderful childhood. You were there when I needed you. Now, it's my turn to be here. You have motivated me to take life's challenges and the memories of our past. To try make everything right, without acknowledgement or reward. I will be here for you, in good and bad times. I am proud of you, where you were, where you've gone and what you have overcome. I hold my head up and walk tall with pride, for everyday I have, is all because of you. Thank you. Mom. I love you.



As she lies quietly resting in her bed, I can't help but to hate myself, for being such a disappointment to her. My poor mom has been criticized and mocked by me. I know, I'm not a great, not even a good daughter. I always pointed out her weaknesses, constantly reminding her of poor choices she's made in life. Always judged her. I never let her forget the dreadful mistake she made in marrying my step father, and so quickly, after my father had passed. I always told her about people talking about her and the shame she should feel. Oh my, I really was the daughter from hell. I always put my needs before hers. I always acted like she owed me, for all the pain I felt in my life. I was also so quick to blame her for how hard life seemed, after my father's passing. I felt it was her fault, our connection with my father's family was so faint.


Here, I sit in this hospital room, desperately trying to make up for all the pain, I caused her. I almost fainted, at the sight of my daughter, sobbing at her side. I cry just thinking of the love my little Lana has for her. I don't think anyone's love for her, is a pure and innocent as the love my daughter has for her grandmother. My mother, her hero. I continue to get emotional, thinking about last night. I tucked my Lana into bed, and watched her angelic eye lids cover her glassy eyes and how she fell asleep whispering her feelings for my mother. In my little Lana's eyes, my mom can do no wrong. My mother is someone she prays for, someone she adores, someone whose shoes she dreams to fill. My mother is the angel, who saves her from me. My mother understands her. There's a special connection between Alana and my mother. Lana keeps me grounded. She has helped me gain that respect and love, for my mother. I know Heavenly Father hears her prayers and feels her tears, as she cried out to him, last night, on my mother's behalf.


This scare has been changed. I can care less what anyone thinks about my mother. She is my hero. Through her highs and lows, she has helped me understand, that we come from a long line of fighters. I know she will pull through in recovery and I promise to always love my mom, without judgment, without fail. I will be that shoulder she needs. I will be her best friend. I will be the daughter, Heavenly Father, wants me to be for my mother. I will live to help make the rest of her days, here on earth, worth living. I will help, without question, and will lead by example, without lecture. I promise mom, I will love you as you need me to love you. I will be for you. What you need me to be. Regardless, of my condition, I will smile for you. I will laugh with you. Mom, I owe you my life. No matter what our situation was, you have given me life and a wonderful childhood. You were there when I needed you. Now, it's my turn to be here. You have motivated me to take life's challenges and the memories of our past. To try make everything right, without acknowledgement or reward. I will be here for you, in good and bad times. I am proud of you, where you were, where you've gone and what you have overcome. I hold my head up and walk tall with pride, for everyday I have, is all because of you. Thank you. Mom. I love you.

Random thoughts...

Usually when I'm sad, I don't do anything but cry over my condition, and as I sow in tears, I only hope, to reap in joy. When I'm angry, I bring about a great change. Although, the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. I rather an experience make me sad, than a fool make me merry. I enjoy warmth because I have been cold, and it hurts. I appreciate light because I have been in darkness, and it's scary. I experience joy, because I have known sadness. Sadness is a waste of space. I'm pretty open, and I get hurt a lot, because of it. And still, I don't build walls around me to keep out the sadness, because I don't want to keep out the joy. I'm so grateful for yesterday, because if it were not for the pain I felt yesterday,I would not be the person I am today. One day older and wiser too. Life is too short, when you only see the view from your own eyes. Take a step out of the box, and open yourself, to see things from another's perspective and then you will be able to enjoy your own life. This is something I have learned, from my dear family.

"Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson Sings on 'Leno' "

In case you missed it...



TV's Top 5 indicated that,

"If there was any doubt that Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is multi-talented, he proved that point on 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno'. The actor/wrestler crooned 'You Send Me' by Sam Cooke, accompanying himself on guitar, and he did a great job! We'll keep him in the competition for at least another week".

ed it! The Rock never ceases to amaze Me!

Cheers to Companionship! (o:


“By ourselves we can enjoy life, but to really appreciate life we must have companionship”
My randomness at it's best!Ü


I know that my last post was a bit discouraging and maybe even depressing. I sure didn't mean to vent and I want to apologize. I promise never to blog such rubbish. I was having one of those painful days. The kind that everyone wishes they didn't wake up to. I know better that gloominess, or perversion of my mind, lays hold upon my heart, I need to make it a rule not to publish it by complaints. I personally believe I have developed this negative language (murmuring) because of my deep inner need to complain. In trying to get my own way, I need to remember that kisses are sweeter than whine. I didn't realize there was anyone really reading any my of my random posts. I will remember to sweat silently and have no fuss about my little expenditures of energy. Instead of complaining that a rosebush is full of thorns, I will remember to be happy that the thorn bush has roses. I will remain positive, as my cup will now always be half full and not half empty (nuff said). Ü


To my fellow followers and readers, at times our own light goes out (just like mine did) and is rekindled by a spark from another person (your comments, whether written or verbal). Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. Your unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of your souls. Your acts of kindness are worth more to me than the grandest intention. I truly appreciate all that you have communicated to me verbally and in writing, to my last post. It's put a great big smile on my face. I really felt the warmth of your concerns embrace me as if you were hugging me. I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. Ü


Although, my bones and joints seem like they are deteriorating, I have much to be grateful for. I am grateful every morning, to wake up by the side of the man, who has always and still does sweep me off my feet. I'm grateful that I get to hear my little girl tell her tales of her school playground, as I hold her in my arms. I'm deeply thankful that I get breakfast in bed, on the weekends (thanks HUN!:o). I'm grateful for kisses and hugs, that make me tingle. I appreciate the sound of music. The amazing beats that express and lyrics that confess my feelings. I have an awesome position with a business that spoils its employees. Can't beat free breakfast every Friday morning. I have such loving and thoughtful brothers and sister in law, who I am very passionate about. I enjoy every moment of their company. I'm proud to be a pacific islander. I love our culture. It's beautiful! I could never go through life with such great friends. I admit, though I'm very selective, my friends are true and dear to me. I love the gospel and how it blesses my life. I am thankful for my all my mistakes and learning curves. The Atonement has always kept me grounded in humility. I've lived a great and colorful life. My thankful heart is my greatest virtue. I'm thankful for all I have. I'm immensely grateful to those who give without remembering and receive without forgetting. There are many who have come and gone in my life. Thank you, for the roles you played in my life. Everything and everyone in my past, makes me what I am today. Ü
As I take time to reflect on the past, my life now and all the people and things that mean dear to me, I realize that all my misfortunes have provided stepping stones to small, but more meaningful fortunes. Other characters may have been manifested in great moments, but mine is made in the small ones. I honestly admit that before I married my love, I limited myself to think I can do only do what the my day would allow me to. Even, with my RA issues, I now know that I can go as far as my mind will allow, because what I believe, I remember, I can achieve. My dreams are renewable. No matter what my age or condition, there are still untouched possibilities within me and a new beauty waiting to be born.Ü

With all that being said, Have a great weekend. ♥ Ya!

RA BLOWS! :o(

Ever since my Arthritis pains turned into severe Rheumatoid Arthritis, life has changed. My pain is felt all throughout my body, from my jaw, to my toes and fingers(24-7). My spare time is spent taking long naps and calling it a night, early in the evening. My husband and I were visited by our Bishop and his counselor. I hate to admit, I've been a bit inactive, because it has really become a whole lot harder to get out of bed in the morning. I force my body up, every morning at 4:00am and drag my cripple body to work. I come home, after work and lay in bed until the next work day. I know this sounds crazy, but that is really how much pain I've been in. I lost 12 pounds in 1 week because I'm never hungry. I take so much medication for my pain and I can't even open my mouth wide enough, to eat.

This may all sound depressing but I don't feel to bad about it all. I'm thankful I still wake up in the arms of my loving husband, my best friend. I'm grateful I can limp over to my daughters room to kiss her forehead, while she's in bed, sleeping. We have been called to the Scouts, as den leaders. I'm excited but at the same time, overwhelmed and nervous that I may not be able to hang with this group. I don't mean to vent and I'm sure you really aren't the least bit interested. I just felt like blogging about it. Hopefully, my next appointment with my Rheumatologist in April, will be able to get me started on the Embrel, so I can have my body back. Words will never be able to justify the gratitude in my heart for my family. They help so much with Lana, taking her to her piano lessons, math tutor, reading literacy class and her dance lesson. I wanted to keep her busy in after school programs and they make it all possible. They have made my life a lot easier. They have been a great blessing. I ♥ my Family so much! Thank you, mom, dad, Sho, Lana, Mone and Jr. I can't imagine life without you all.

JOONDAWG


My brother Loloa, Jr. has always been the calm one in our family. Very collected, calm and cool. He's got a heart of a champion, he's disciplined and usually makes responsible choices in his young life. Maybe he's learned from us, older siblings. He's very selective, when it comes to women and friends. He's got unconditional love for his family. He's hardworking and just an all around amazing guy. Joon and I never got really met eye to eye until my husband Sherwin came along. This is a blessing, because I have learned more about this brother and have come to not only love him but respect him. I can never see my life without him. I love this brother so much. He's the rock that keeps our mother grounded. A real mama's boy. I regret to announce that he's leaving for the summer, for work. These past few months, he's been working down the street from me. We car pool every morning and it's been more than fun, chatting and eating breakfast in the car, with my brother. I'm really going to miss this big guy. I wish you the best bro, in all your success! I love you Joon!

Winter Returns....

A gruesome return to winter conditions. We have close to 2 feet of snow in the mountains... and anywhere from 1-9 inches in most valley. So much for Spring cleaning. Happy Friday!

2010 Review...

New Years was amazing with Family & Friends!


Had a great ♥ LOVE ♥ month!


Ready for March Madness!

My Guilty Pleasure...



Confessing my current obsession and shame on me!

Dearest Sherwin...

I love you so very much
and feel it's not enough
just to express to you
that you know I really do
want to pour from the start
of what's held in my heart
and all it's been through
now knowing it's safe with you
Thank You Lord above
for this everlasting love
as I have finally found
a love to build around
So this I promise to you
that forever I'll love you
I'll open my heart and freely give
to enjoyable times we both will live
I'll tend to you with such great care
and keep you from deep despair
For eternity is what I'll begin to work for
to make this loving relationship endure
all this and more I promise to do
simply because my heart adores you.
Love,
Me

Love me...

My heart was broken at sweet sixteen

I beg the Lord for someone kind to me

and how he works in mysterious ways

I just could not explain or say

I asked him for certain qualities in a man

praying that he will come to understand

who would help me come closer to thee

and love me unconditionally

I asked him for a man worthy of his calling

Someone who would not pull me down while he's falling

A man will to serve the Lord on his mission

Someone willing to coop, understand and learn of me

and holds his priesthood high and faithfully

Some one who loves the Lord, himself, family and I

and plants flowers in my heart that beauty never dies

Someone cleanly romantic through creativity

who forgets my past and plans my future with me

Someone to take long walks on the beach or in a park

who's morally clean, and beauty shines and sparks

Someone who will meet me on that two way street

A man kind hearted, sensitive and sweet

Someone to feel safe with and not to sin

One who is there through thick and thin

Someone to cry and laugh with, someone mature

And, who will help to make this relationship endure

Someone who I can truly see.

He who will love me for me.

-Siniva Tuha

Dream Love...

Mommy Dear is it honestly true?

Did you love Daddy and he love you?

Am I able to repeat that romance in my life?

and live happily as his beautiful wife?

Will our existence hopefully cross real soon?

or will I be lonely this midsummer June?

Mommy when he comes, will his arms be wide open?

and will he cherish me with words unspoken?

Is he going to sing and strum his guitar?

or will he melt my heart into the stars?

Do you think maybe he already knows

that a tear will drop with a single rose?

Oh my heart may tremble with the touch of his hand,

Dear Mommy do you think he will understand,

The deep impression he will leave on me?

Will he agree that we are meant to be?

Maybe he will paint my love life with creativity?

or grow with me through time and eternity?

Oh how I wish for it all to be true,

to stand at the altar, vowing "I DO".

Mommy do you think I may be blessed with that love,

the love for me that you and Daddy have always dreamed of?

-Siniva Tuha

Installing a Husband

♥this!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no available.What can I do?Signed,

Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an Entertainment Package,while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: ’I Thought You Loved Me.exe’ and try to download Tears 6. 2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources) Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. Insummary, Husband 1. 0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Must read BOOKS

I've always loved and enjoyed reading and writing. I always wanted to be a journalist or an editor when I was a kid. I just never made enough time for these interest, until now that I have decided not only to make positive changes, like returning to school, keeping a journal, purchasing a dictionary but also exercising my mind, my heart, my soul and of course my understanding of the things I read and being able to comprehend the material. Now I have really gotten into inspirational and motivational material, like biographies, historical struggles, short stories, quotes and thoughts. I just need to brush up and exercise my memory to assist in applying these lessons into my life. These are all my personal favorites and books that I have already read and that's why I'm recommending them and I'll try to remember all the authors... The more books I continue to read and remember to record, the longer this list will get. Enjoy!

A pocket full of miracles.
Legacy of Faith:Tongan Saints
We are Sisters
Purity & Passion
Standing on a Promise
One more River to cross
Bound for Canaan
The last mile of the way
Why I Believe
Covenant and the Fire
The Wednesday Letters

Good Works...

Star light star bright

May I wish this wish tonight

I wish for peace

to positively increase

to share all wealth

and live in good health

may our prayers help bless

and might our love caress

the hearts of many

and homes of plenty

For, life in harmony

good works in charity

for the poor and needy

and the rich and greedy

that we may come together

and learn to love on another

this is my wish, I wish to give

love & service may I continue to live

-Siniva Tuha

What the DH? ...

The pain of RA throughout one’s body can really alter their daily routine. I have gone from driving life in the fast lane to parking my time, on Wisteria Lane. Although, my days involve desperately tackling every imaginable dilemma that Lynette would daunt at home, I have managed to prevent magnetizing disastrous drama, that only Susan would frequently invite. And, as Gabrielle would declare, in the most tenacious way, I have demanded my solitude in the comfort of my home. With my unrivalled zeal for cleanliness that only Bree could proudly approve, I have been alone trying desperately to avoid the company of my Fairview neighbors in Lehi, hoping that all would come to forgive me for self indulged isolation.