Dear Darla...

It's Complicated...The love between two.
Here I sit, with a broken heart for you.
The pain may be too much to contain
I apologize that you're hurting... again.
I hate that feeling, it's one I know all to well,
it's a thing called heartbreak and it hurts like hell.
Your heart may be taken and broken by him
and shattered in pieces all because of him.
Be steadfast so blessings will pour from above
Never lose hope as you continue to love
with each piece of your broken heart
Time will heal what has been torn apart.
Those times you were happy together
may not be worth the times you cry alone.
It may be a struggle to strive for "Forever".
though it may be harder on your own.
Which ever path you choose to go down.
I pray you find love worth building around.

Sincerly Yours,

Although life goes on, the pain remains...

I really dislike Mondays, especially today. I thought maybe I hate today, because it's been so busy, or because it's the start of the week and I'm still trying to recuperating from the weekend. As the hours roll round, I thought a whole lot about the great losses we experience in life. I feel the pain that families feel after the death of a loved one. I remembered when my father passed away, it took the weeks following his funeral (after everyone left) to really feel the absence of his presence, that void. It still hurts. Not hearing his laugh, jokes, and lectures or seeing him walk around the house because he could never sit still. Even during trying times, when I see my mother struggle and I think of him. I'll never forget him. My daughter will always know that he left his mark and he was here. Although, it's been years, and so much time has passed, the pain I felt before is still there. I can't help but to always talk about what it would have been like if he was here. It hurts. With each tears I have shed today, it still hurts.

With much Love & Respect....

Over this past weekend I have received much grattitude from my brothers and their dear friend Tyrel's family, with regards to my last blog post. I forgot to mentioned to my brother's that this was my way of paying my respect and tribute to this great friend of their's. The stories heard over this past weekend about his life had touched me deeply, and have resulted in many tears. I received messages from family members and have felt their love for Tyrel. I want you all to know that this response was sent with much love and respect for the entire Calton family. This goes out to Tyrel's family...

Dearest Calton Family,

It's so great to hear from you all, members of Tyrel's family, even in such circumstances as this. I'm really sadden and sorry for your loss. I never met Tyrel but I've heard nothing but great things about Hap, Levi and Tyrel, especially, Tyrel. My brothers were so broken up about the loss of their dear friend. I watched them grieve for Tyrel. It broke my heart to see them in that state. I realized just how much he meant to them. He wasn't just a friend but a brother to them. Our family's thoughts and prayers are with you, Tyrel's Parents, his brothers and the rest of his family.

Although, we have never met, his loss made such a great impact in our own family. We really appreciate what he was to my brothers, and how he treated Jr. and Peter. The life he lived, as shared by my brothers have brought such great meaning to me and my family. He will truly be remembered in our family. With the kindness and the love you all have shown Jr. and Peter, I can assure you that you have found new friends in me and my family.

Respectfully Yours,

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Farewell Tyrel...

All my brother's have had some really great friends in their life. Like me, they have always chosen great people to be a part of their lives. Real friends and acquaintances. On Sunday morning my brothers Loloa, Jr. and Peter received sad news about their dear friend, Tyrel. I hear a whole lot about Tyrel. I have never had the opportunity to meet him but he was special to my brothers. A good friend who took great care of my brothers. I have heard all about him and his family. Story after story of Tyrel, planted seeds of respect in me for him. All the stories I have heard over the past few years have really grown in me, from respect to great love for this friend and family. I never complained about the early mornings or late night pick up runs I made for my brothers from Tyrel's home. I knew that they were safe there. I only pray now for Tyrel and his family. May his family be comforted during this time and may this dear friend rest in love and peace. I know he will never be forgotten by my brothers, as they continue to hold his memories in their hearts.

Tyrel Calton 1983 ~ 2010
Tyrel Calton, age 26, passed away on Jan. 17, 2010 from complications of a seizure, in American Fork, UT. He was born on Dec. 14, 1983 in Murray, Utah, the son of Steven Douglas & Trudy Jones Calton.

He graduated from Lehi High School and had a great group of friends that he loved to spend hours with. He had a love and zest for life and he worked for the family business as an expert tree trimmer, he worked hard to play hard. Tyrel loved riding at the Dunes, fishing, golfing, snow boarding, hunting, horseshoes and spending lots of time with his family and friends.

Survived by his parents, brothers, Steven Travis Calton, Levi D. Calton, nephews, Harley Levi Calton, who Tyrel was a big brother too, Davon Eugene Calton, grandparents, Douglas and Colleen Calton and many Aunts, Uncles and cousins. Preceded in death by grandparents Dave and Elaine Jones.

Funeral services will be held Saturday, Jan. 23, 2010 at 11:00 a.m. in the Lehi 15th Ward Chapel, 1920 North 500 West. Family and friends may call Friday, January 22, from 6-8:00 p.m. at Wing Mortuary, 118 E. Main, Lehi and one hour prior to services at the church on Saturday morning. Interment, Lehi City Cemetery. Online guest book at

“There is peace and rest and comfort in sorrow”

I moved out here in Utah in August of 1994, since then, there have been so many deaths of our old members of our original Sunset 12 Provo Tongan Ward. There have been many who have passed on since then, such as my father. However, in remembrance of the young generation and the lives that were taken so soon, may they rest in peace and love and may their families be comforted for their sudden loss.

Sesi Tauteoli
Mele Halasima
Mosese Lavaki
Eti Saumani
Vou Luaki

"I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live"

Below if for our most recent loss...

Gone too soon and so young. The Luaki family has always been a close family to us, since our days living in good old Mapleton. Steve was like a brother to Mone and Jr during their days as Red and Blue devils. We were sadden by the lost of his younger brother Vou. With much respect to Vou lahi, our prayers go out to Janet and the family. We love you very much!

Naulivou Atenisi Lauaki 1987 ~ 2010
Naulivou (Vou) Atenisi Lauaki, 23 of Springville, passed away Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at his home.

Vou was born on April 17, 1987 in Provo, Utah, 2nd son of Naulivou and Janet Hutchings Lauaki.

Vou was a member of the LDS church and loved spending time with his family, going to the mountains, riding horses with his brothers and uncle, and roasting pigs with his dad. He loved his Tongan culture and was very proud to carry his dad's name.

Vou is survived by his parents Naulivou and Janet Lauaki, his brothers Sione Steven, Monty, Scott Rodger and Naulivou Jr., his Sisters Lupe Nonu and Sulieti, his niece Kalani Mele, and all of you extended family and friends. He was preceded in death by his Grandpa Sione Feiloakitau Lauaki, Uncle Monty Lauaki, Great Grandpa and Granda Warren, and his Great Grandpa and Granda Hutchings.

Viewing Friday, January 15, 2010, 7-11:30 pm, LDS Chapel 360 North 650 West, Spanish Fork, UT and Sat. Jan. 16 from 9-9:45, funeral at 10:00 in same LDS Chapel 360 N. 650 W. Spanish Fork. Interment at Springville Evergreen Cemetery.

In Lieu of flowers we request a donation to the account set up in his and Janet Lauaki's name at Central Bank.

Thinking. . . thinking... thinking... and more thinking about my little step sister, whom I just love. Since, she left Utah, she's been on my mind. I miss her. All the years my mother was married to Lose, we never really knew my step sister Pearl. She's a real jewel. When she turned 18, she left her mother in Washington to live in Utah to get to know her father and his family. How come my mother felt it would be best for her to live with Sho and I and not with her father and my mother? It was all good. Regardless, of things that can annoy me about anyone, including her, I grew such a great love for her. I always wanted a sister. Regardless of her upbringing, she was definitely a Bernard. I could tell in the way she looked, ate, slept and her randomness and indecisiveness in all things. She came with a fresh attitude, ready for change. She really fit in with the family. She's beautiful, very laid back and a great cook. Anyhoot, to make the long story short because I'm not about to air her business up in here. She got married young, had a beautiful baby and now facing a possible divorce. As much as I wanted to say, "I told you so about young love" I can't bring myself to it. She's is in so much pain, and I feel she is turning in the wrong direction to cope with it. I know she is a a breaking point and as she is breaking free, I hope she's careful. I only wish the best for her. I'm here for her. Words could not express how terrible I feel for her and baby Kymani. Why do I feel like it's our (Sho and I) fault for introducing them to each other?

Pearl & Kymani

Every happy woman has at least one ex behind her, this one's a winner!

I'm going to keep it real in 2010. Allot of things I'll be posting this year, may shock you about me. It ain't nothing but the hard core truth. So, my cousin was texting me because she wanted me to check one of my friend's photo albums on Face Book, to see picture of my ex-fiancĂ©. I must say, I was hesitant. The crazy thing is that his daughter had a baby making him a grandpa and you know I'm too young to be married to a G-paPa. This ex of mine and I had too much in common that we really just couldn’t work it out. Libra's are really dangerous. My birthday landed on the same day as his. I was born on his 10th birthday. I know it seems silly to be blogging about him, but the moral of this will make sense. So, there I was checking out what he looks like, here 10 years after our relationship had ended. No bad, not great. I mean, if you really knew how this guys was. He really thought he had mad swagger.

I feel bad for saying that I held on to him because he was like that so called trophy husband that ain't the business and women fake the funk like his stuff didn't stink. You know the kind that makes mad money, body like a rock star, flawless profile but then the attitude is whack as hell. Yes, that's the kind I'm talking about. Maybe, it was the huge gap in age. I mean he was 10 years older than me. He was my ticket out of here, but at a high price. He had a lot of expectations. It's funny how I totally experienced the whole wine and dine on his fat dimes, just to realize that he wasn't for me. I mean he really knew how to take a lady out for a good time. The money was great but I mean I had to pay a real high price for this guy. He chose what food I ate, clothes and shoes I wore. He had me on a crazy workout schedule. When I came back from Australia, my friends and my mom really thought he was starving me. I wasn't happy. I used excuses about other things he provided to make up for the things that were wearing me down and out. Who the hell was I?

I cared a great deal for him but he just wasn't for me. Looking at these recent pictures of him made me so glad I ended up with my first love, Sherwin. Only Sho can handle this. I mean literally, because ya know I'm crazy. I get crazy, like a nerve in me that just wants to stomp, kick, sock and scream, when things just don't go my way. Hoi, kalofae Sho. He's makes my bedrock. His big arms keep me warm. He lets me be me, no matter how crazy I get. Sho gives me butterflies in my stomach each time we meet. He gives me the "tingles" just thinking of him and that look of love he gives me. He loves my body just as it is. His kisses are sweet. I know I say this all the time but he really really loves me and all of me. He's just right for me. The funny thing is that my ex-fiancĂ© was my rebound when Sherwin left me. Weird, aye? I know ya are probably thinking, this girl got crazy balls to be posting about her ex. (Keeping it Real) Many x’s have come and gone but thank goodness I married my favorite. (lol) Anyways, I told Sho last night what had happened and that I was glad it's him and no one else. You can imagine my night ended with fireworks. AaaaaahMaZing! I love my man!