MY LIFE. MY THOUGHTS. MY WORDS.

Dear Alana, From the very depth of my soul, I pray in solitude for your understanding in my hope for your existence. As, it seems to me that there is far too much pain here in our small world that soars through time and space. Ever turning, ever changing, it spins, allowing light and darkness to infiltrate it's seemingly thin glass dome at random. Lives come and go. People pass, meet, love and leave. We chance upon one another through some miracle of fate and come to know others who possess a myriad of unique experiences, pains, and joys. And here and there, now and again, souls touch and love one another, and an endelible impression is made on the heart that will never quite recover it's original form. And so it is that I view my life in moments like these. I catch a tear at times of one caught in a torment of black and white, and the confusion of the hand delt to them at birth. And although I don't understand the game, out of passion and desperation, I try ever so diligently and tenderly to explain the cards that are often at times all too cruel and unfair. Not that life is necessarily so, but that the persons who come and go through that life are at times hurtful or unkind. And I wonder how we can possibly reach out with our limited hands and resources to heal the wounds that still bleed, infecting all those who come into their diseased reach. I try to understand and explain how opposites have power in their very meaning. That strengths have power in their weaknesses, and that weakness is always supported by strength. Power lies dormantly in the talent to twist and turn life's experiences in such a way, so as to see all sides and ends. Optimism allows for self-fulfilling prophesy to be a reality, and not just a notion. Tempering the wild human soul is the sign of an individual who possesses a practical yet passionate wisdom. And patience for lack of understanding from those around us is the soil for a garden of wealth and beauty. Belief in the goodness of others brings a peace that is not easily shattered... ...and as I sit here alone with the my music around me like a warm blanket and think of you, in all your impressionable youth and beauty, my heart swells with tears and love at the years that lie ahead of you. A respect for the survivor in you is amazing and pushes me to be what you need for me to be in whatever moment is at hand. And when all is quiet and the lights are low, I think of you. I hope you are there tomorrow when I need you. And I decide in moments of peace and calm that love is indeed a power with an unseen force, and that my two hands and simple heart must surely be means enough to caress and massage at least one aching soul. And so it is that I am slowly forming a life philosophy, that a little can be a lot. And that hands held can be a strength to someone, as well as a harsh and severe word. I look on those around us, some more fortunate, and some less and I believe that there is an element of fairness that expresses itself in the form of freedom, opportunity and will power. I try with all my might to embody this power and represent it for those around me. I try to show the power inherently within all to achieve and find happiness and success. Oh, all have black marbles in their jar, but also clear and beautifully brilliant ones as well. And though anger and tears are rightly justfied over the black, as my heart aches for so many injustices that eat at the very soul of chance and hope, I have chanced at the opportunity to show someone a shaft of light that breaks through their life and graces the ground with greenery, spring, and beauty, and beg them to seize opportunity of every good thing that can bring happiness to life. I hope that I am understanding you the way you meant and need to be understood. I hope that I can be for you what you need from me, and that my gifts- however small and inconsequiential they are, will touch you somewhere in your head and heart that think and feel so much, and that you will know that I am one of many who will love you. And I pray silently, that you hope for you, like I do for you. Eternally yours, Mommy

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