Some say, the best motivation is self-motivation. However, here I stand with empty thoughts and nothing to gain, depressed and alone, but the fault is my own, all on my own. I've been sitting here, trying to find myself. I've been lost in my own thoughts. I am hopeful that pain is never permanent and that depression will not rage within me. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it, but I've been projecting negative energy and not receiving the positive results. Obviously!
My body just feels broken. I truly am gratified, at the very thought, that mine own afflictions will not result in an brief departure from life. However, struggling to survive this much physical pain, is just not the way to live, day by day. I strive to live so my physical strength is measured by what I carry, but more so my inner strength is measured by what I can bear. I try not to fill my glassy eyes with tears, but each move I make, strikes a nerve that makes me cringe and then there is the life I want to live and the live I am living. Last night, my daughter hugged me and it hurt, but I held onto her. When my husband returned home from work, I held him in my arms and it hurt, but I held on. I continue to hold on, because I never want to let go of my family. They are so dear to me.
I sincerely apologize as I do not mean to fuss, nor seek any sympathy. I'm simply rubber ducking in my own desolation. Not a great day and I may just be in need of a little prayer. I cannot be knocked off my feet, while on my knees. =)
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